Taking time off for mothers to be with their newborn is now encouraged more than ever. It’s even fully paid by employers.
Companies offer 3-12 month of full pay and a job guarantee when returning. This is great!
Companies are also offering fully paid paternity leave. This is also great.
Especially for new parents, to be home with a newborn together as a couple with minimal to no financial disruption is awesome!
But many men aren’t using their paternity leave.
They may feel that having one person full-time at home (the mom) and just coming home early and helping part-time is more than enough. Others always have their ambition on full throttle and will not want to sacrifice their end of year bonus.
Then there are others who feel embarrassed to take paternity leave.
But why should you care?
Parenting is one of the most stressful events for a couple. Your patient may be a new mother who feels alone and not receiving enough help.
This patient may not be able to afford the means of seeking nanny help nor have any family help where they live.
Your patient may also be a new father who is juggling work and lack of sleep.
They feel stressed at home and at work, attempting to commit to both but resulting in committing to none.
Advice to consider during sessions.
Companies offer 3-12 month of full pay and a job guarantee when returning. This is great!
Companies are also offering fully paid paternity leave. This is also great.
Especially for new parents, to be home with a newborn together as a couple with minimal to no financial disruption is awesome!
But many men aren’t using their paternity leave.
They may feel that having one person full-time at home (the mom) and just coming home early and helping part-time is more than enough. Others always have their ambition on full throttle and will not want to sacrifice their end of year bonus.
Then there are others who feel embarrassed to take paternity leave.
But why should you care?
Parenting is one of the most stressful events for a couple. Your patient may be a new mother who feels alone and not receiving enough help.
This patient may not be able to afford the means of seeking nanny help nor have any family help where they live.
Your patient may also be a new father who is juggling work and lack of sleep.
They feel stressed at home and at work, attempting to commit to both but resulting in committing to none.
Advice to consider during sessions.
- Paternity Leave is huuuge luxury: Many dads rely on state-sponsored FML (Family medical leave) pay to get this opportunity. This is a pay cut. Some states do not even offer it at all. Remind your patient how fortunate they are to work for a company that will completely pay for it.
- Overestimating the impact of his absence at work: Remind your patient that the company will not fall apart when he leaves for 12 weeks. He should plan it out with his team and peers a month prior. He should designate a temporary backfill to help answer emails and attend meetings on his behalf (and he should volunteer to do the same for others).
- Overestimating career damage: Ask your patient if they recall any male regretting taking time off with their newborn because they missed out on a promotion. This can be an opportunity to clear his head, take a step back and reflect on his career. Many men have come out of paternity leave with a stronger sense of purpose at work. Many have finally broken out of their work inertia and found a more fulfilling, higher paying job after paternity.
- Early parent = good parent: A new father wants to be the best possible father. So it’s disheartening when a 3-6 month year old child refuses to stay alone with his/her father and is always asking for the mother. Dad’s who are as present as the mother from day 1 (i.e., changing diapers and interacting as frequently as the mother) will become less reliant on his wife to sooth the baby. As a result, the mom will endure less stress and feel she is being helped.
- Leveling playing field for women at work: Remind your patient that if all males take paternity leave, it will make taking maternity leave much easier. With more people in the office taking family leave, family leave will become more structured, predictable and less career threatening.
- Maternity Leave Guilt: The advice above should not just apply to males. While it is expected for a female to take time off to recover from birth, family bonding should not take a backseat to work. Establishing a strong parenting foundation and routine by taking extending leave will make returning to work easier.