In the last newsletter, “Unignoring the Employee”, we discussed how managing employees with intention can result in lower stress for your patient. Strong management increases team productivity. And promoting employees and celebrating team success is fulfilling.
In this newsletter, we’ll take a different perspective with “Creating the Nightmare Boss”. We all hear people complain about their boss, but we only hear one side of it. We’ve heard complaints of micromanagement and a lack of interest in people development. But probing further, other facts start seeping in. For example,
But why should you care?
As a therapist, we will always hear the one-sided complaint of a manager. We’re not attempting to defend bad managers, but we’re making a point that there are also bad employees (or good employees acting as bad employees in certain situations).
Employees sometimes deliberately undermine their bosses behind their backs or passive aggressively produce bare minimum results. These behaviors drive managers crazy. It can cause good managers to act out and exhibit bad manager qualities.
Referencing Newsletter 7, “Unignoring the Boss,” fostering a healthy working relationship with a boss is important for mental health. But the employee also has to put in work.
This is not at all analogous to a child and parent relationship. The employee is also an adult and needs to put in the effort. That is where you can offer some advice and perspective as a therapist.
Advice to consider during sessions.
In this newsletter, we’ll take a different perspective with “Creating the Nightmare Boss”. We all hear people complain about their boss, but we only hear one side of it. We’ve heard complaints of micromanagement and a lack of interest in people development. But probing further, other facts start seeping in. For example,
- Employee: “I feel like my manager is constantly checking on the progress of my tasks. I’m an adult. I can do my job”.
- Friend: “I can imagine that being annoying and stressful. How often do you voluntarily give your boss updates though.”
- Employee: “Oh. I’ll just send it to him when the task is done. I don’t have the time to just email him a weekly update.”
But why should you care?
As a therapist, we will always hear the one-sided complaint of a manager. We’re not attempting to defend bad managers, but we’re making a point that there are also bad employees (or good employees acting as bad employees in certain situations).
Employees sometimes deliberately undermine their bosses behind their backs or passive aggressively produce bare minimum results. These behaviors drive managers crazy. It can cause good managers to act out and exhibit bad manager qualities.
Referencing Newsletter 7, “Unignoring the Boss,” fostering a healthy working relationship with a boss is important for mental health. But the employee also has to put in work.
This is not at all analogous to a child and parent relationship. The employee is also an adult and needs to put in the effort. That is where you can offer some advice and perspective as a therapist.
Advice to consider during sessions.
- Establishing trust and dependability with the boss will lead to a happier workplace for both manager and employee. Employee actions that help build this relationship include emailing a weekly update on tasks, calling out project blockers and asking for help/collaboration. A competent employee is able to hide for several weeks and come back with a finished project. But why not make the experience positive and transparent? Allow the boss to provide feedback throughout the task. The positive experience will leave a lasting impression. The boss is likely to assign more ambitious promotion-building projects in the future as a result.
- Remind your patient to take a vested interest in their boss’s career. Help their boss succeed. Their project results make their manager look good and help them move up the ladder. This is a good thing for the employee. You always want to work for a rising star in the company and ride their coattails to the top. The boss will likely want to take the employee with them when leaving to a different company.
- Be a good person. Remind your patient that they may have disagreements with their boss. That’s expected. But they should restrain from going out of their way to hurt their boss. Why spend prime career years driven by resentment and pursuing vengeance when the employee should actively fix the current situation or leave.
- Secrets have a short shelf life in the office. If a boss confides in your patient with information or even gossips, they need to absolutely keep it to themselves. As time goes by, the recipient of the secret takes the secrecy less seriously. Whether the information itself needs to be secret, the boss finding out about his/her employee gossiping will not bode well. However, knowing that the employee was able to keep a secret amplifies the trust.
- Motivate your patient to their job as best as they can. If your patient is choosing to be passive aggressive out of resentment, remind them that they are unknowingly making the lives of their peers harder. These peers are your patient’s professional network. It is from this network of people where they will find new, unposted jobs in the future.
- Most people think they deserve a promotion. Rather than discussing it with the boss with a ,”If Henry just got promoted, then I clearly deserve one too.” Instead they should congratulate Henry and the boss’s successful attempt. They should then honestly admit that they would like to be on a path to promotion and want to work with their boss on a 6-12 months plan to get there.
- Remind your patient and discussing salaries in the work place can lead to bad consequences. In a perfect world, companies can be 100% transparent with everyone’s salary. People would just accept and continue with their work. What drives a boss crazy is when an employee asks for a higher compensation because someone else on the team makes more. Unless there are clear discriminatory practices, try a different approach. Present your boss with market average salaries and highlight their recent achievements. Not only is that a positive conversation but it gives the boss some ammunition to work with.